Recommended reading for trauma & narcissistic abuse
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD
This book is a must read for anybody who has experienced trauma and is dealing with the after effects of ptsd, cptsd or anxiety. Bessel expertly combines his decades of experience as a compassionate medical provider on the front lines of trauma care along with cutting edge science to understand how the nervous system works and can be healed after trauma.
Purchase The Body Keeps The Score:
Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina W. Brown
This fantastic book is in its third edition. A straightforward, easy to read book that tackles a painful topic with compassion and insight, it is one of the first books I recommend to adults who are coming to terms with a painful upbringing with a narcissistic parent.
Purchase the book:
Trauma Bonding: How to Overcome the Trauma Bond in a Narcissistic Relationship, Stop Feeling Stuck, Overcome Heartache, Anxiety, and PTSD - with Q&A and Case Studies by Dr. Anna Wiley
Understanding the trauma bond is the most difficult yet important part of breaking free from an abusive or narcissistic relationship. This book goes over why it is so hard to leave a narcissist or abuser, helps you understand the effect a trauma bond has on your brain and nervous systems, and helps you break free from the cycle of abuse.
Purchase here:
This book, "In Sheep's Clothing" by George K. Simon is one of the most important books I have ever read. As a therapist that specializes in helping people recover from narcissistic abuse it most clearly lays out the psychopathology of a narcissist, the origins, common fallacies, and how to deal with one.
Overall the news isn't great. Narcissism isn't really considered curable. In some cases it is manageable with a particularly motivated individual, but often narcissists use therapy as a manipulation tactic. Narcissists bank on the common belief that "hurt people hurt people" and hide behind this fallacy and use it to gain power and abuse.
I know this may not be a popular insight but many people who have spent years or decades trying to get an abuser to change and then finally break free from their grasp, only to find the abuser continues to try and harm them from a distance, will know this is true. In fact, the idea that "hurt people hurt people" is often used to victim blame and shame victims into tolerating more of the intolerable.
If you're interested in learning more, the link for the book is below.
In Sheep's Clothing: https://amzn.to/3PeWi1Y
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
Lundy Bancroft is a pioneer in the field in understanding and treating abusive men. As an expert in treating violent offenders his book covers:
-The early warning signs of abuse
• The nature of abusive thinking
• Myths about abusers
• Ten abusive personality types
• The role of drugs and alcohol
• What you can fix, and what you can’t
• And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely
Purchase the book here:
The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse by Debbie Mirza
Most people can easily recognize a grandiose narcissist but the covert passive-aggressive narcissist is much harder to recognize and can be every bit as abusive. This book clearly goes over how to identify a covert passive-aggressive narcissist, real life examples and ways to break through the fog and confusion of dealing with one and getting away. Two of the biggest take aways from this book:
1. They come off so nice to everybody around them. But that kindness is a facade for some truly nasty behavior towards their current victim. They can be smiling and apologizing while they stab you in the back.
2. They spend an extended time initially charming their victim so by the time their toxic passive aggressive behavior is unleashed sometimes years later the victim clings to the hope that the nice person they were with at first is still in there somewhere. Sadly once the mask is off this is the truest form of the narcissist.
I do believe the covert narcissists can be the most dangerous, often coming off as kind and good to their friends, family and community. This is an excellent resource.
Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD by Linda Hill
It is four books in one and focuses on common issues that many of my clients struggle with:
-narcissistic abuse recovery
-gaslighting
-codependency
-complex ptsd recovery
I highly recommend this resource.